Action Figures
by Dreamchylde
Summary: You know you have at least one sitting by your computer. Oneshot. Bit of chaos from Starscream's POV about your friends and toys. Ficlet from my 'Young Turks' story. Extreme snarkiness warning. Please Rate and Review!


**A/N:** I bought a Voyager Class Thundercracker this last weekend and since I set him up on my desk he has 'shot' me three times: one barely mised me, one hit to the chest and once trying to destroy my morning cup of coffee. So after 'disarming the Decepticon', this bit of cracked chaos bubbled to the surface as I worked on my story **'Young Turks'**. It's from Starscream's POV and there are some references in here from **'Young Turks'**, but you don't have to read it to get the gist of what is happening in here. Though, I'd love it if you did read my take on the three Seeker's history. :D

Constructive criticism welcomed, flames given to the chibi Seekers armed with grease guns. You have been warned.

**Action Figures or Why My Wingmates Hate Me**

"You see, humans have these toys called 'Action Figures'…" Thundercracker was always the sensible one and I should have known that something was up when he was carefully prompting Skywarp in their explanation of the gift they were about to give me.

"And they resemble humans they respect, like military types and other things." Skywarp always was a bit too hyper for his own good.

"A lot of other things, actually."

I should have known better.

"So TC and I decided we'd make action figures of us to give to you. You know, just in case something happens to one of us in a fight, you'd always have them to remember us by." 'Warp thrust the plain box at me with his impish smirk that he had never grown out of.

Yet, I accepted the box without a question. What else could I do with the two mechs standing there smiling at me? Refuse to touch it in case it blew up like the last box from Skywarp? He had found that practical joke _extremely_ funny… He said it was because of some stupid human holiday called April Fool's Day. I made sure he knew who the _real fool_ was when I sent him to baby sit the Coneheads during a weeks worth of energon raids.

But there was no silly bow or oddly colored wrapping paper on this box. Just an ordinary box. I did open the lid with trepidation, though as I wasn't completely convinced that 'Warp wasn't trying to pull the same trick on me again.

"You wound me, 'Screamer." He put a hand over his cockpit and mocked being hurt. "Did you really think I would try that _infantile_ prank on you again?"

"Do you want me to answer you truthfully?"

"It's not going to blow up, 'Screamer. I made sure 'Warp didn't try any of his stunts for this. We're being serious here, and we took a lot of time making these just for you." Mr. Sensibility stood there with his arms crossed over his cockpit giving me his normal calm and stoic look.

I looked inside the box and amid some shredded paper were two human-sized replicas of Thundercracker and Skywarp. I pulled the figures out of the box and examined them, turning each figure over carefully in my hands. They were so detailed and lifelike, it was slightly uncanny. The figure of Thundercracker had his faint smile with his optics raised, exactly like how he used to stare at the fliers in the Cybertronian skies when we were younglings. Skywarp's figure was poised on his toes, just as antsy and hyperactive as he still is now, not to mention his trademark mischievous smirk.

I was literally at a loss for words, which is quite a rarity for me, as I held the figures of my two lifelong friends in reverence. I almost felt guilty for automatically assuming this wonderful gift was another one of Skywarp's childish pranks.

"Do you like them?" Skywarp's enthusiasm was bubbling over.

"You guys made these…just for me?"

"Yes."

"Of course! If something happened to you we'd never forget our nerdy 'Screamer. So we hope just in case something happens to TC or me, you'd never forget us either." That dirty slagger was really pouring the guilt trip on me.

"You know I wouldn't forget either of you."

"Now you have something better than the holo-pictures and your _geeky _data pads to remember us by." TC grinned at me as he emphasized one of the 'terms of endearment' I had earned from the two idiots that I called my best friends.

"And look!" Skywarp grabbed his figure out of my hands. "They transform too!" With a couple of deft movements, the figure of 'Warp was a perfect replica of the human F-15 fighter jets that we had been reconfigured as when we crash landed on Earth.

I was truly touched at what they had made for me, "Thank you." I grinned at them. "These are much better that the holo-pictures."

"So where are you going to put them?"

Oh, if I had only known better…

----

I set the figures up on my desk in my quarters, side by side, exactly how they would be if we were in formation. I felt slightly bad that I didn't have a figure of _me_ to finish the triad. It looked wrong with just the two of them there and I decided that I would make them both a figure of me to say thanks and for the_ just in case_…

I tried to work with the figures standing there watching me, but I just couldn't focus. I picked TC's figure up and 'transformed' it. Even in our alternate mode, the figure was flawless. And once I had the toy TC in his alt mode, I had to let him _fly_. It just wouldn't be fair to leave him grounded on my desk. The toy TC made a couple of passes over my desk as I fondly remembered playing as fliers with 'Warp and the real TC.

I gave up on getting any work done and decided to get a few hours of recharge before my weekly rant and rave session with the Coneheads about how not to screw up a simple raid. I transformed the toy back into the figure, setting both back on my desk and aligning the pair down to the micron, wingtip to wingtip.

Skywarp always said I was anal-retentive about things being perfect.

----

The ranting session took longer than I liked, cutting into time I had hoped to have for finishing up my reports that I had ignored the night before. I flicked the lights on in my quarters and instantly knew something was out of place. My optics ran over every square inch until my gaze fell on my desk: the figure of Skywarp was gone. I stormed over to my computer terminal and accessed the security camera logs to find out whom the culprit was, only to find that no one had entered my room, not even the disappearing Decepticon himself.

I scanned the room again and was surprised to see the figure sitting on my recharge berth with one arm in the air. How it got over there escaped me as I picked the toy Skywarp up and checked the figure over carefully. It looked okay, so I set the toy 'Warp back on my desk and lined him up exactly how he would be in formation. And with that out of the way, I started to work on the reports that I needed to complete.

I should have known better.

----

I was halfway through the first report when something hit my cockpit and bounced to the floor. I bent down to pick up the offending object and realized it was a tiny drone rocket, an exact replica of TC's weaponry. I grinned as I reequipped the rocket and went back to work.

As I set the second report aside the rocket hit me again. I started to wonder if I had inadvertently broken the figure the night before as I put the missile back in its place. Everything seemed all right as I turned the toy TC over in my hands checking for damage.

I went back to reading and before I had finished the first screen, the slagging missile hit me again. This was cute the first time, but now it was getting annoying. I picked the small piece up and reached for the figure again, only to find the toy Skywarp was gone. I looked fervently on the floor afraid that in my many retrievals of the missile I had accidentally knocked it off my workspace, but it wasn't on the floor. I turned around, expecting the real Skywarp to be standing there playing another prank on me, but my quarters were empty. Someone was obviously having a good laugh at my expense and when I caught the prankster I would definitely make sure they would regret it.

I scanned the room again before turning back around to my desk and I nearly jumped out of my seat as the figure of Skywarp sat on top of my scattered data pads. I turned the security camera in my quarters to the highest sensitivity and set the wandering figure of Skywarp back in his place on my workstation. Certain that both figures were exactly where they were supposed to be, I cautiously started working on the report again looking up every few minutes to make sure both figures were okay.

Another rocket fired at me, this time hitting me in the face. I put my chin in my hand and leaned on the desk, drumming my fingers angrily on the nearest data pad. _Do not break the toy. TC went to a lot of trouble to make it for you._

My course of action was decided and I carefully 'removed' all of the toy's projectiles, setting the missiles on the _other_ side of my desk before setting the toy TC back into his original spot.

I was then able to work without interruption for awhile and got almost all of the reports done. I absently looked over at the spot where the figures were and gaped: Skywarp's figure was gone… Again! I quickly accessed the security camera, certain that I was about to catch that slagheap in the act. But the camera showed nothing. No telltale flash of his version of grab and go, no sneaking up behind me, no nothing.

I turned around and scanned the room as I finally figured out what those two dirty slaggers had done and was not surprised to find the toy 'Warp on the shelf behind me, one arm up in the air in a salute.

I should have known.

----

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, but I thought my conniving wingmates deserved something much, much warmer.

It only took me a few hours to complete two figures of me for them, with a few _extra_ bonuses added to the replicas. I admired my work with a smug grin before packing the figures into boxes exactly like the box they had handed me and I subspaced the 'gifts' before I left my quarters. Can't have the Second in Command grinning madly while carrying packages. They would report that I was planning to bomb the place before I made it to the next level. I practically skipped down to the mess hall where I knew they would be hanging out before our shift.

I stopped at the entrance and checked my emotions; I didn't want to seem too eager. I allowed myself one last evil smirk before gliding into the mess hall and slipping into my seat. "Guess what?"

"'Morning to you too, slagger." Skywarp scowled at me as he looked over his schedule. "What did I do to deserve another baby sit session with the Coneheads?"

I truly had forgotten about that as I grabbed the data pad away from him, "Ooops. I already got you back for that prank. Don't worry, I'll just send them to the same hydro-electrical plant that they went to last week." I made the quick adjustment and tossed the pad back to him. "So I got back to my quarters last night and started to think about what if something happened to me and would you two remember me if I was gone…"

Thundercracker gave me an extraordinarily calm look.

I smiled and set my vocalizer to its snarkiest setting, "Actually, I didn't. But I did think about what you said yesterday, 'Warp. How the humans have these figures of people they _respect_, especially the military type of figures. And lets face it, me being the Second in Command for the entire Decepticon army and your Air Commander, _I deserve your respect and your loyalty_."

Oh, this was too good.

"So I took it upon myself to make both of you a perfect replica of _me_." I subspaced the two boxes and handed one to each of them. I could barely hold back the cackle as I saw them exchange glances. "Go ahead. Open them up."

Boxes opened and there was the rustling of paper and I gave them the smuggest smile ever. "So? What do you think? Don't be shy, you can tell me how lifelike they are and how they capture my essence perfectly."

Thundercracker was the first to speak, "These are pretty cool, 'Screamer. Do they transform like ours do?"

"Of course! Oh! And look at this!" I reached across him and touched a button on the toy Starscream's null ray, which emitted a very realistic sound. "Not bad for the 'nerd', right 'Warp?"

"These are awesome!" Skywarp had already transformed his version of me and was acting like a sparkling in front of everyone in the hall.

If they only knew…

----

It had been a long day with an even longer mission to go and rescue the Coneheads from the hydro-electrical plant. All three of us were tired and I watched as Thundercracker and Skywarp dragged their weary afts into their quarters. I wasn't in a particularly great mood due to the day's events, but I needed to wait just a few astro-seconds before my revenge would be complete.

I had set up a disrupter field that would prevent a certain black and purple Seeker from teleporting into my quarters ever again and I leaned against the doorframe to my quarters counting down the astro-seconds. A certain memory came to mind about two sparkling mechs who had ganged up on another poor mech and covered him from head to toe in grease. _Ah, those were the good old days_, I snickered to myself.

Twenty astro-seconds after their doors had shut, I subspaced a small black device and activated it. I must have had a grin like a sparkling with a bag of energon candy, when I heard the sound of two null rays firing and a_vaguely_ familiar voice screaming "YOU DIRTY SLAGGERS!"

I started to laugh evilly when I heard two certain Seekers, who would also have a weeks worth of time spent with the Coneheads, yell in surprise as two small explosions from cluster bombs flung the most viscous grease I could find on base all over their quarters.

I walked into my quarters content in the knowledge that my two best friends and wingmates would never forget me.


End file.
